The losing end…

Posted: August 10, 2012 in random thoughts
Tags: , , ,

I wept silently as I felt the surge of anger, followed by pain, then onslaught of memories and to think that my last blog post here was about shining in the darkest places and let love flow.

You see, I always tell myself that there is goodness in people – this thought makes me trust people easily. I always try to think that if I am in their situation, I also want to be trusted and to be given the benefit of the doubt but this thinking of mine has backfired, countless of times.

1. Losing Chee-Chee: I was working in Makati back then and living in a 3 bedroom apartment shared with other Makati girls. I rented my own room and was happily living there until came this new housemate of ours. I was the only one who has a television so the always-welcoming-me would invite my housemates to come in my room and watch. This was also a good time for us to chit chat and get to know each other better. This certain lady would come often especially when she learned that I love traveling. She said she also like traveling and would tell me of high-class places that she’d been to. I even offered her some recommendations and personal contacts of places that she must visit as well. Since she always stayed in my room, she got the chance to see my things. One of them was Chee-chee. Chee-chee was the name of my laptop that my Dad gave me as a gift when I was in college. My thesis partner, Hegel, knows how much I love Chee-Chee as she came really handy with all the school work. To cut the story short, one day after work, I excitedly went to my room only to find out that Chee-chee was gone. I hurriedly went to our landlady and asked her if they’ve seen my housemate and to my shocked, our landlady said she left already with some of her things. I cried so hard that night. It turned out my housemate has a record of thefts even from her previous apartment. We were able to track her down to her hometown in Laguna. Together with my eldest brother, a police and my landlady, we went there only to find a gloomy home with two old parents living in it – a far cry from the high-class, happy family that she painted on her stories. My housemate was nowhere to be found. Her parents didn’t know her whereabouts and they were also devastated to have learned of their daughter’s theft records. Seeing that the mother was sickly and they have no capacity to pay back, I told them that the least thing that they can do was to talk some sense to their daughter.

2. Pleading for something I actually own: This happened a month before I started working here in Singapore. A neighbor back in our province in the Philippines who is also working in Singapore needed money. I thought she was concerned when she asked if I still have money left as I was waiting for the approval of my work pass and Singapore is an expensive city to live in so money can really be an issue. I told her yes, I still have enough. She asked if her housemate can borrow some of it. By the desperate sound of her voice, I said yes and agreed to meet the two of them the next day. When we met, we went to the money changer. When they saw that I was exchanging more than what her housemate needed, she asked if she can borrow, too. I looked straight into her eyes and told her in a very firm voice that I really needed the money back by the end of the month. She promised that she will pay back as she was also aware that I was hoping to transfer to a new place nearer to my work and I also need to buy new things. She said yes and added that I can trust her. Come end of the month, they weren’t able to pay back… it dragged on for days and for weeks. That was a stressful time for me as I was the one pleading for her to give me my money back. I felt so helpless and my friends here in SG was shocked when I told them the amount that I lent her considering that I haven’t even got my first paycheck. I blamed myself for trusting her so easily. I didn’t want my family to worry about me so I tried not to tell them about it but given with no choice, I called my brother to transfer my money that I gave him for his business. This “neighbor” was able to give back most of the money I lent them after much pleading. I grew tired of contacting her on the rest so I was just hoping she still has some conscience left and might one day just send me a message saying she’s now able to pay the rest of the amount.

3. And the dam overflows: The first two stories were not the only ones that happened. There were some trust gone bad incidents that happened in between with other people but this last one was the end of it as I may find it hard to trust people that easily again. This happened just a few hours back while I am typing this post. I decided to arrange my clothes in the cabinet and saw my old wallet that I tucked in underneath the clothes . When I checked on it, I was shocked to see that a few thousand peso bills and some US dollars were gone. I calmed myself and thought it must have just fallen off. I checked everywhere, even my bags just to make sure I didn’t forget that I might have put it there. But the bills were nowhere to be found. I was so sure that the money was there before I left for my recent overseas trip because I checked on it when I got my passport which I also placed underneath my clothes. I tried to be calm and told my roommate that I lost some money. I said to her that I hate to blame anyone but if she can ask her friends who she let in our room if they knew about it. But of course, who would admit their misdeeds esp. this one? The answer was a clear no she didn’t do it. What made me angry even more was when my roommate sent me strings of text messages in a very defensive manner. I was really pissed off and sent just one reply. I told her I am not in a habit of making up stories. The fact is I lost some money and whoever did it “bahala na siya” (ok, english translation?) and it’s up to her conscience.

I guess what hurts me the most more than the lost items is the fact that over and over again, I haven’t learned my lesson… Over and over again, I kept on trusting people, trying to see the goodness in them only to be hurt again… Over and over again, I am left feeling helpless… Over and over again, I found myself at the losing end.

  1. sunshine says:

    hugs, cha… hugs hugs hugs. wish i can be there to be some sort of a lawyer that will advocate you. hay. di yan talaga palalampasin ni Lordie. as in.

  2. Jaime says:

    My Dear Cha,

    NO! You are not to blame for what happened to you. Trusting and the readiness to help others speaks volumes about the beauty in your heart. It would be a far greater loss if you lose these gems in your heart compared to the material resources that were taken from you. Do not let the wickedness of others keep you from loving. Yes, mourn for the material possessions that you lost but don’t let them get at your heart and goodness because then you have allowed them to succeed in ways that only the evil one could plan, to change you for the worse. You are better than they are and I am sure because you are our Father’s child, you will be smiling and loving others once again! Continue to be a blessing to people around you by overcoming evil with good. Guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life! God’s comfort fill your heart as you struggle with anger and disappointment.

    Kuya Jaime

  3. Vida Joan says:

    I dont know what to say cha..if it comforts you a little naiinis at nalulunkot ako hw you have to go through all that. Its a great post nkakarelease negativ energy. We miss you here.

  4. Ivey says:

    Hey Cha, nice writing, but please don’t trust people so easily. The day before yesterday when I reached home from work my mother told me she lent someone a very good amount of money a few years back, and now that we have shifted to a new place she asked for the money as we’re a bit short of cash now, she was scolded so badly by the borrower that it made her cry! What shocks my mother more than the fact the she didn’t get her money back is that anyone can be that rude!

  5. carla says:

    Hi Cha. Sad to know that you had to go through these experiences. Kuya Jaime was spot on in everything he said. Just to put it in perspective, there are also a lot of people you trust, and didn’t fail you. Don’t let three (or four, or ten) people change how you view the world and everyone in it. And we fail God many times but he never gives up on us. We live in a fallen world with broken people (that includes us). It’s inevitable that we’ll encounter many. But the good always outnumbers the bad 🙂

  6. Aio says:

    Hi Ate Cha, I pray that you find peace in spite of the anger brought by the experiences. And like what Kuya Jaims said, you are not to blame for having a good heart. Actually, I feel that you portrayed this certain verse:

    Philippians 4: 8-9
    8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9 Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

    May mga tao lang talaga who disappoint us because of their love of material things. good thing our treasure is not found here in the world, but in heaven 😉

    Kaya yan ate! 😀 May you have peace, because you have done right.

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